Skip to content

5 Things People with BPD Need To Hear

People with Borderline Personality Disorder are often bombarded with false representations and accusations about our character, all of which destroy our self-esteem and hinder our recovery.

Here are five things that someone with BPD needs to hear from their loved ones.

couple holding hands love people support care

1. You are not a bad person.

One of the hallmarks of BPD is incredibly low self-esteem, and being convinced that we are inherently bad people. This isn’t helped when people often accuse us of being manipulative or hysterical. Reassurance that we are not inherently bad is so crucial to building up our self-esteem and helping us to see that there is a difference between being unwell and just being a bad person.

2. Just because I don’t always like what you do, doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

It’s important for loved ones to differentiate between behaviours that people with BPD do, and them as a person. Some people can feel that they’re walking on eggshells and they don’t want to address poor behaviour because they don’t want to make the person with BPD feel bad. However, it is still important to address these issues, because it will help us in the long run, it’s just vital that the loved one identifies and explains the specific behaviour that has upset them (for example, persistent outbursts of anger), whilst clarifying that they still love the person – they just need to address the behaviour, and work together with them to change it.

3. You are worthy of love.

Those of us with BPD often genuinely believe that we are unworthy of love, and as such we often accept poor behaviour from others because we believe we don’t deserve anything better. Reassurance that we are worthy of love can help us to identify this poor behaviour for ourselves, and take action to either change the situation or remove ourselves from it. An example of this may be your loved one with BPD accepting cheating and abuse from a partner. If this is the case, it’s important for their family and friends to reinforce to the person with BPD that they are worthy of real love and worthy of being treated with respect. Don’t get angry with the person for accepting the poor behaviour – the feelings of unworthiness are ingrained into our brains, so it’s going to take time and support to make a change.

4. It’s okay to be kind to yourself.

Similar to feeling unworthy of love, those of us with BPD often struggle with being kind to ourselves. Because we feel like bad people, we feel like we don’t deserve to accept kindness, even (or especially) from ourselves. Let us know that it’s okay to be kind to ourselves – we do deserve it, just as much as anyone else does.

5. I might not understand, but I want to try.

Something I have said a lot is “You don’t understand”. It’s almost impossible to describe BPD to someone who doesn’t have it. You can try to explain it theoretically, but unless someone as experienced it, they’re never really going to understand the full force of it. However, it helps a lot to know that our loved ones recognise that they can’t possibly fully understand what we’re going through, but that they really want to try. Show willing to read up on BPD, ask us questions, let us vent. We appreciate that you’re trying.

Do you have BPD? If yes, what do you need to hear from your loved ones? Maybe you know someone who has BPD and you have questions about it? Leave your comments below.

couple love together hug borderline personality disorder support care mental health


Spring Sale

5 replies »

  1. This is a blog post I’m going to keep coming back to. Brilliantly written, and definitely what I needed to hear. I can’t explain how I felt reading this, but it was like my heart slowed down for a minute and I could breathe (I don’t even think that makes sense 😂) Well done xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Hazel,

    I came across your blog post after making a search for “Are people with BPD worthy of love?”

    It may seem like such a silly question to ask myself. But yet, most of the messages that I have seen tell me otherwise, and that’s what I end up believing sometimes, despite my work as a public speaker in this field.

    Voices like ours are few and far in between. So thank you. I have made a small contribution towards your blog because we need to highlight this kind of message. It’s only in doing so that we may dim down the false representations about us that are so pervasive.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Ava, thank you so much for your contribution and your lovely comment – it’s made my day! I absolutely agree that there are so many misconceptions about those of us with BPD, so it means a lot to hear you say I am helping to dispel those misconceptions.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Follow the patchwork fox on


Want to support this blog?

Donate here :)


%d bloggers like this: